Help Wanted!

I was about to thank heaven for hearing my prayer of finding a good nanny for my child when alas, the nanny backed out.

Really, I've been wracking my brains out figuring out why these things are happening to me. Everything seemed to not go according to how I want it to happen. I was about to land on a job when my nanny did not return from her vacation. Just when I found another nanny, she backed out and I had to postpone or cancel my job interviews again.

I remember myself saying "Lord is this a sign? Do really want me to be a stay at home mom?" There's nothing wrong about being a stay at home mom really. But I don't know if it's really good for me. If you were able to watch Sex and the City 2 (the movie), there was one part there when Charlotte and Miranda talked about their experiences on motherhood. Miranda told her friend that everything that she used to miss when she had a job (such as parent-teachers meeting, school parties, watching her son perform on stage) she can now witness. But as much as she loved his son, she missed her job badly.

That's exactly how I feel. I love my son to death. But as much as I love him, I miss my job. I miss the daily banters at work. I miss the challenge. I miss working. I feel like I'm getting rustic, old and pathetic day by day. I feel like my IQ is slipping away. Now I get excited by soap operas. I'm curious about who my next door neighbor is currently dating. I'm bored and I'm dying to find something exciting. Am I awful for feeling this way?

I tried talking to my husband about it. But he's so cool about it. Telling me that this would go away soon and just for me to keep on praying. I don't think nobody really knows what I'm feeling or going through.

Maybe, I should really learn to let go. To really embrace my current situation and just accept whatever it is God is offering me. Maybe I should listen more so I could clearly hear Him speak what His plan is for me. I must be babbling too much during my prayers that I forgot to listen to Him.

I hope I get a sign soon. I feel like I slumped. Lord help me to find joy in what I do. I'm beginning to dread it. I feel so frustrated, I literally shouted in my bedroom this morning.